Nobody notices, nobody knows.

She thoughtfully listens to everyone's woes and musings while she keeps her pains inside.

She laughs hard at every joke while deep inside she's deeply hurting.

She has company but she still feels extremely lonely.

Nobody knows, nobody notices, and she thinks nobody bothers to care.

December used to be the warmest month of my year, but this year, it's going to be different. My Christmas will be as cold as winter.

Nandiyan na sa harapan mo, Laine, ayaw mo pang maniwala? Ano pa bang hinihintay mo, himala?

Kung may kahihinatnan yung sa kanila, siguradong meron din sa amin. Pero malabo, mukhang wala nga.

Pagbibigyan pa ba?

Tama na, Laine, baka matuluyan ka't mahulog.

Sana

Kung babalik ka pa hanggang kailan kaya?

You, You and You

1. I think everything's a mistake. I should have kept my thoughts because things didn't go quite well. I just want things to be normal, I don't like the awkwardness, and I don't want it to linger and haunt us (or me) forever.

2. Two nights ago, I had this crazy thought: I'll give this a chance. I know I have been very vocal about not considering the possibility because I am determined not to but due to some "divine intervention", I'm opening the doors. It's up to you if you're going to take matters seriously. Things will be much harder to work out, and consistency is very important. As to how long I'll be entertaining this idea, I don't know. As I've said, this is just a crazy thought and when I come back to my senses, maybe I'll change my mind.

3. It's amazing how you pop out from silence. You really know when I need you. I hope I can talk to you soon because I'm in need of a devil's advocate. You know these things better than anyone else because you were there when things fell apart. I need you to remind me about how awful the experience was for me.

This is torture, emotional suicide. Somebody save me.

Day 15- Put your (iPod) mp3 player on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

Beautiful Surprise - India Arie

Your Smiling Face - James Taylor

Zoom - Fat Larry's Band

The Show - Lenka

Stick Around - Azure

Shakespeare In Love - Layla Kaylif

I Don't Want To Know - Glee

One Less Bell To Answer/A House Is Not A Home - Glee

Dreams - Glee

Please Don't Stop The Music - Rihanna

Am I underachieving? Am I not fit for this? I haven't been passionate about everything.

Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one

I knew about Blogger a long, long time ago, when my friend made me visit her blog. Last year, I decided to create an account here in Blogger because I wanted to have a more public blog, as I used to have private ones.

I feel empty. I feel like I'm always the last option, the weakest link. I feel unappreciated that even my biggest accomplishments seem to be very ordinary. I feel small, unrecognized.

More, I need to do more, to be better.

Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends

At People's Park, 2 years ago.

This is exactly what I felt yesterday.

Credits to  http://icanread.tumblr.com for the picture

Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

Happy
I listen to upbeat songs, songs that make me want to dance, or any happy song.
Example: Songs of BEP, Lady Gaga, Eraserheads


Sad
I'm into sappy and sentimental songs when I feel sad.
Example: Songs of The Carpenters, Air Supply, Fra Lippo Lippi and Earth, Wind and Fire.


Bored
I listen to any song, I play everything in my music list in random.

Hyped
I still go to the upbeat songs plus pop rock and rock.
Example: Songs of Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, Bon Jovi


Mad
Rock, or anything that goes with lyrics that depict anger.
Example: Songs of Alanis Morissette, Fall Out Boy

I think I'm already getting comfortable. Thank you for making things the way they are now, because I cannot do it first, I don't know how to initiate. I just don't want to put a thick wall between us because that would make everything complicated. I like the current dynamics.

Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days

Not spending too much this week. I didn't go beyond spending P500, and I think I spent less than that, I just couldn't remember the exact amount.

Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why

1. Finish my systems at work and start them smoothly.
2. Have a formal savings account, because I don't want to fight the urge of spending my savings.
3. Finish the two books that I have already started to read, and find a couple of new books.
4. Avoid getting sick, especially now that my work is extended to 12 hours.

I'm yet to be ready. It just took a few months and here I go again. I see the signs and I feel it will just be like the others. But a part of me wants it to be the one. Bottom line, I don't want to get hurt, to get myself into another roller coaster ride of emotions, because I am not ready.

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

*I know this is so overdue, but I'm trying to continue this challenge. As for the updates about my life, especially at work, I will be writing about it soon. :)

Hands down to my favorite national hero, Ninoy Aquino. I'm ever astounded by his wits and courage. I really look up to him. He inspires me to become a better Filipino.

Challenge: Day 4, Day 5, Day 6

I'm making up for the two days that I missed. I was busy last weekend. :)

Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have

Eating when I get bored. Forgetting to eating when I get too busy. I think this explains why I am having a difficult time losing weight.  The first is self-explanatory. The other one, though, increases my tendency to overeat on the next meal. I must kick the habit soon.

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

Great Sta. Cruz Island, Zamboanga City (with the pretty girls: Jubail and Eloize)

I hope I could visit this place again. I really wasn't able to enjoy the place because the day was jam-packed with activities. Nice beach, nice scenery.

Day 06- Favorite super hero and why

IRON MAN

from: caffeine-headache.net

I'm really not into superheroes but among those that I know, I find Iron Man most realistic. I'm not a fan of the person inside the "battle suit" though, because Tony Stark is just too proud of himself. 

Challenge: Day 03- A picture of you and your friends

I know I'm only asked for one photo but I don't have a photo that has everybody on it.

High School Friends

Rose, Me, Beryl and Nathelle 

 Rhea, Rose, Beryl and Me

Rose, Me, Jedd and Beryl

The common denominator.

(We have the most pictures in my file)

Challenge: Day 02- The meaning behind your Blogger name

"Soul Satellite" came from the song Lost In Space by The Lighthouse Family.  This has been the name of all of my blogs (I've had 2 blogs before this, and I didn't tell people that I had these blogs). I have chosen this name because as I've said in the previous entry, I think that I express myself better in writing. I share a bit of my soul in every entry.  I'm not much of a talker, and when there's a need for me to express something, I write rather than talk about it.

Challenge: Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

February 5, 2011

1. I really love numbers. 

2. I hate tea, except iced tea.  My nose hurts whenever I drink hot tea.

3. I wash my feet before I sleep.  I just can't sleep comfortably without washing them.

4. A no-hanky day is my version of a bad hair day. I just cannot leave the house without one.  That's why I make sure that I have enough tissue with me just in case I miss to bring a handkerchief.

5. I used to love having long phone calls (high school days) but now, I cannot stand talking on my cellphone that long.  

6. I love eating ampalaya (bitter gourd). I used to hate them when I was little.

7.  I am not a "talker". I express my thoughts better in writing.

8. Chemical Engineering was not my first choice. It was Biology. I was planning to go to med school after college but then everything has changed. I now love being an Engineer, though I still am amused with medical stuff.

9. Pasta, pizza, chocolates - my favorite food.

10. I plan to teach after I work in the industry. I just realized this passion for teaching when I was reviewing for my board exam. I hope this passion will not die.

11. I dress comfortably, I don't dress to impress. But I see to it that I wear presentable clothes.

12. I now hate Facebook. I was supposed to deactivate my account but then I don't want to lose contact with some of my friends who aren't in Twitter. So what I did is to block EVERYONE from seeing my Wall. 

13. This blog is my third blog (thus the "3rd" in the site address).

14. It's not that I hate having pets or plants, I just can't take care of them, that's why I don't have pets and I don't have a garden (though we have a garden but I am not the one maintaining it).

15. I am sentimental. I keep letters and stuff from friends.

the dog days will soon be over

A month has passed since my last entry.  I have been a bum ever since, but a lot has changed since my last post. Our long-time house helper left us because she had to take care of her husband who had a stroke, therefore I am now in charge of the household chores.  It wasn't difficult on my part because I was trained to do the chores, but it wasn't also that easy.  I think this is the best way to spend my unemployed days.  Nevertheless, we are in search for a new house helper because I will be leaving soon.

I recently got accepted in the company that I was eyeing for. I was a bit surprised at how things have turned out.  I thought I was not doing well in the interviews, and I never thought that they would present the job offer immediately after I passed the series of interviews (I didn't even know that I was actually undergoing the final interview).  I accepted their offer. I am scheduled to start a month from now. I just need to complete the pre-employment requirements which includes medical exams and maybe some documents.

This marks the day that I will start maximizing my remaining free time.  I will make sure that I will spend some time with my friends before I leave for work. Good thing I could still spend my birthday here in Davao. I will also roam around the city, because I will surely miss what it's like to be in this beautiful place.

I will be independent soon, time slipped by so fast.

* So for the remaining days of my unlimited internet, I will be doing a challenge. I found this on Tumblr and I want to do this here in my blog. For 30 days, I will be posting these stuff:

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

Day 02- The meaning behind your Tumblr Blogger name

Day 03- A picture of you and your friends

Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn’t have

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

Day 06- Favorite super hero and why

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why

Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days

Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends

Day 12- How you found out about Tumblr Blogger and why you made one

Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Day 14- A picture of you and your family

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

Day 16- Another picture of yourself

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have

Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them

Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/ being with in the future

Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy

Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else

Day 23- Something you crave for a lot

Day 24- A letter to your parents

Day 25- What I would find in your bag

Day 26- What you think about your friends

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge

Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned

Day 30- Who are you?

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

day 1

Because you refused to see what you needed to see
and didn't realize what you needed to realize...

Credits to tumblr.com for the photos

a year later...

I know I have been away from the blogging world for a long time now. My last post was in September, back when I was still at the peak of reviewing for the board exam. Now, I am back to blogging.

I created this blog a year ago, that was when I was in the middle of mending broken parts of myself (by the way, belated happy birthday to my blog!). But all's well that ends well. I didn't just survive 2010, I also conquered 2010! (Well, I think so...)

I believe I made the right decision to take the review in UP Los Banos because I think I wouldn't survive if I took it in Manila (based from my two-month experience). I think I did great there. The environment in Laguna was really fit for me. I somehow regretted taking the refresher in Manila because I think that caused too much stress in my system (I am still recovering from it right now), though I take it as a consolation that I got to study and prepare myself for the exam because of it. My mom accompanied me during the week of the board exam, and this I am truly thankful because that somehow lessened the stress especially during the exam. And praise the Lord, I passed it, I am now a Licensed Chemical Engineer.

The greatest part of the year is my mom's long vacation, in time for Christmas. Yes, she went home twice this year. This vacation was the longest so far (almost two months). It's been two years since our last Christmas together, and this is by far the best Christmas we've ever had as a family. My mom had to leave on New Year's Eve, imagine how "bongga" our Christmas must have been compared to our usual Christmas celebrations.

I thank the Lord for all these. I also thank the people who have been there during these experiences.

And here I am, a year later. Some things have changed, and I did change, thanks to 2010. Five months away from home taught me how to become more organized, not just in things but also in thoughts. Now, the goals that I have with regards to my career are clearer. I am now bold enough to work away from home. Actually, I have been applying to jobs offered outside of Davao City, mostly to jobs located in the Luzon area.

And speaking of jobs, I am really excited to work already. I really100x hope I will land to a good job (with good pay, hehe). I am still in the process of waiting for the companies' replies. I am eyeing one company though, but I know the competition would be really tough, and getting in the company is tougher.

I don't have resolutions for this year.  I'll just go with the flow, as usual. I just hope that by 2012, I will be a better me. :) Always for Magis!